Gary Russell's revenge is best served cold.
In 2001, he published the novel 'Instruments of Darkness', which brought Big Finish audio companion Evelyn Smythe into the BBC Books and established her, and by extension the Big Finish audios, as "canonical" (for those who take such things seriously). It received lackluster reviews, primarily from people who felt that it was an exercise in nostalgia, excessive continuity references, filling in plot holes from other Gary Russell novels, and hagiography for a companion that Russell had created and clearly loved, but couldn't show and had to therefore tell with several scenes where people just stood around explaining how great she was.
(Shortly afterward, Gary Russell declared his stated belief that the audios and the books were separate canons and that he didn't care about tying them together anyway. Not that I'm suggesting these things are related.)
It took fourteen long years for Russell's plan to come to its ultimate fruition. Fourteen years of patiently waiting for Doctor Who to once again become a global televised phenomenon, for the TV series to adapt Big Finish audios and Virgin New Adventures in a way that cast doubt on the canonicity of the books and the CDs from the Wilderness Years, for River Song (a clear and loving pastiche of Bernice Summerfield) to be taken into fans' hearts while the original Benny languished in spin-offs and the memories of a tiny subset of the new fandom, for the phenomenon known as "NAstalgia" (an unthinking adoration for the Virgin New Adventures based on rosy memories of their output) to develop. Fourteen years for Gary Russell's masterstroke.
'The Big Bang Generation' weaponizes NAstalgia. It's a wafer-thin run-around that only makes vague stabs at coherence, with dull and unconvincing villains and dozens of pointless digressions that only serve to hang continuity references on. It's utterly disposable, not awful but mainly the sort of thing that you'd maybe give to an eight-year-old in an effort to keep them quiet for a few hours. BUT IT'S GOT BERNICE SUMMERFIELD IN IT.
More specifically, it has Bernice Summerfield's first-ever appearance in the New Series canon in any form, her first meeting with the Capaldi Doctor, her first official meeting with the Doctor since 1997's 'The Dying Days', and the first canonical appearance of any characters created for her Big Finish spin-off series in official Doctor Who media. In short, this is a book pretty much designed to settle the argument, to the extent that it can reasonably be settled, of whether the Wilderness Years are canon. And it comes down hard on the triumphant, fist-pumping, it-even-mentions-Keri-the-Pakhar, "Yes!" side of the equation.
And so Gary Russell's revenge is complete. Because I have to admit, it was totally worth the aimless plot, the unconvincing villains, and even having to put up with lifeless Big Finish tagalongs Ruth and Jack in order to get Bernice Summerfield and the Doctor together once more. God help me, I enjoyed this book even as I cringed at how many scenes were really just one character or another reminiscing about how great Bernice Summerfield was, and how she was the Best Companion Ever, and how her touch could cure scrofula. Because I can't help it, I agree with that. 'Big Bang Generation' proved that the only difference between me and the target audience of 'Instruments of Darkness' was the choice of companion to get all misty-eyed over.
I actually liked 'Big Bang Generation'. From hell's heart, Gary Russell, I salute you.
Showing posts with label big finish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label big finish. Show all posts
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Review: The Doomsday Manuscript
(Originally posted to the Doctor Who Ratings Guide on 26 February 2003.)
Oh, dear. Oh, dear oh dear oh dear. This is the first full-length novel from Big Finish, and they even went and got Justin Richards -- creator of Irving Braxiatel and one of the major influences on the character of Bernice Summerfield. Richards is known for his tightly-plotted thrillers, and this should have been no exception... so what went wrong? What turned this into the weakest novel Justin Richards has ever written, and a very unimpressive debut for the new Benny line?
What went wrong was the "tightly-plotted" part was missing from the "tightly-plotted thriller" that Richards usually writes. Again, let me say that I hate giving bad reviews to authors I enjoy, especially when said authors are in charge of commissioning books for the BBC Doctor Who line. However, this one has holes in the plot that you can drive a Mack truck through. The first and most fundamental one is the question of how Straklant, the villain of the piece, used Josiah Vanderbilt's identi-disc to get into the Braxiatel Collection when we're told, several times over the course of the novel, that the identi-discs are keyed to a person's individual bio-patterns. (Apparently, he "alters" the identi-discs. Well, if they can be altered so easily and thoroughly that nobody notices the difference between a thirty-something man with a false arm and a two-armed eighty-seven year old, it's not a very good security measure, is it?) Plot problems continue with Straklant, mainly because he's so laughably obvious a villain that it astonished me that Benny and Brax bought his line of patter for even thirty seconds, let alone four-fifths of the novel. He's an agent for a Nazi-esque government called the Fifth Axis, he's impersonating a scientist who can't be reached by any means, he's just killed a man right in front of your eyes, and yet nobody suspects for even a moment that he might be lying when he says it was all in self-defence because the other man was trying to steal an artifact... which wasn't recorded in the collection, and which the other man had no apparent motivation to steal. The story is so fishy that you could serve it with chips, and yet Benny and Brax buy it wholesale.
Add to that the fact that Straklant is so obviously, over the top, ludicrously evil. He kills people he has no reason to kill, and in fact every reason not to. He's traveling with Benny, he's trying to maintain cover, and so what does he do? He doubles back and/or lingers not once but twice to kill someone who's cooperated with them simply because he's that evil. Never once does it apparently occur to him that if Benny wonders what's taking him so long, he's just blown his cover six ways from Sunday. Oh, and when Benny asks about his delays, he gives those "bad guy puns" that always sound like announcements to the effect of "I JUST KILLED THAT MAN!!!!!!" Benny's failure to put two and two together about Straklant utterly sinks this novel.
Which is a shame, because apart from that huge, massive, gaping, grit-your-teeth-every-second-and-wonder-how-your-favorite-character-has-become-a-congenital-idiot plot hole, there's a lot to like in this book. Richards once again nails Benny and Brax perfectly, adding it to a string of great portrayals of the archaeologist. There's some funny bits, some touching bits, and a bizarre, yet cool chase/fight scene involving killer cameras. There are a few continuity holes from The Dead Men Diaries (Benny has Joseph Mark II throughout DMD, but receives him here for the first time), but on the whole, if not for the unbelievability of the villain and the horrible, horrible levels of stupidity required on the part of the heroes to advance the plot, this could have been a wonderful little romp. It's just that the one big plot hole is just too damned big to ignore.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear oh dear oh dear. This is the first full-length novel from Big Finish, and they even went and got Justin Richards -- creator of Irving Braxiatel and one of the major influences on the character of Bernice Summerfield. Richards is known for his tightly-plotted thrillers, and this should have been no exception... so what went wrong? What turned this into the weakest novel Justin Richards has ever written, and a very unimpressive debut for the new Benny line?
What went wrong was the "tightly-plotted" part was missing from the "tightly-plotted thriller" that Richards usually writes. Again, let me say that I hate giving bad reviews to authors I enjoy, especially when said authors are in charge of commissioning books for the BBC Doctor Who line. However, this one has holes in the plot that you can drive a Mack truck through. The first and most fundamental one is the question of how Straklant, the villain of the piece, used Josiah Vanderbilt's identi-disc to get into the Braxiatel Collection when we're told, several times over the course of the novel, that the identi-discs are keyed to a person's individual bio-patterns. (Apparently, he "alters" the identi-discs. Well, if they can be altered so easily and thoroughly that nobody notices the difference between a thirty-something man with a false arm and a two-armed eighty-seven year old, it's not a very good security measure, is it?) Plot problems continue with Straklant, mainly because he's so laughably obvious a villain that it astonished me that Benny and Brax bought his line of patter for even thirty seconds, let alone four-fifths of the novel. He's an agent for a Nazi-esque government called the Fifth Axis, he's impersonating a scientist who can't be reached by any means, he's just killed a man right in front of your eyes, and yet nobody suspects for even a moment that he might be lying when he says it was all in self-defence because the other man was trying to steal an artifact... which wasn't recorded in the collection, and which the other man had no apparent motivation to steal. The story is so fishy that you could serve it with chips, and yet Benny and Brax buy it wholesale.
Add to that the fact that Straklant is so obviously, over the top, ludicrously evil. He kills people he has no reason to kill, and in fact every reason not to. He's traveling with Benny, he's trying to maintain cover, and so what does he do? He doubles back and/or lingers not once but twice to kill someone who's cooperated with them simply because he's that evil. Never once does it apparently occur to him that if Benny wonders what's taking him so long, he's just blown his cover six ways from Sunday. Oh, and when Benny asks about his delays, he gives those "bad guy puns" that always sound like announcements to the effect of "I JUST KILLED THAT MAN!!!!!!" Benny's failure to put two and two together about Straklant utterly sinks this novel.
Which is a shame, because apart from that huge, massive, gaping, grit-your-teeth-every-second-and-wonder-how-your-favorite-character-has-become-a-congenital-idiot plot hole, there's a lot to like in this book. Richards once again nails Benny and Brax perfectly, adding it to a string of great portrayals of the archaeologist. There's some funny bits, some touching bits, and a bizarre, yet cool chase/fight scene involving killer cameras. There are a few continuity holes from The Dead Men Diaries (Benny has Joseph Mark II throughout DMD, but receives him here for the first time), but on the whole, if not for the unbelievability of the villain and the horrible, horrible levels of stupidity required on the part of the heroes to advance the plot, this could have been a wonderful little romp. It's just that the one big plot hole is just too damned big to ignore.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Review: Doctor Who - The Audio Scripts
(Originally posted to the Doctor Who Ratings Guide on 31 March, 2003.)
I was a little surprised to find out that Big Finish was releasing a book of their audio scripts -- after all, they'd said on their website that they had no interest in putting out print versions of their audios, since the audio was a hard enough format to get people interested in. It's certainly been a hard format to get me interested in, mainly because a lifetime of reading has trained me to tune out the noises around me so I can concentrate on visual stimuli, which is a bad trait to have when you're trying to listen to an audio-only drama.
In other words, I was quite glad to see a book of audio scripts from Big Finish. I hadn't been avoiding their work on any principle of cost or quality, but simply because the medium didn't appeal to me... and this nice hardcover book was going to give me a chance to read some of the Doctor Who I'd missed out on as a result. As it turned out, there was quite a lot of good Who in here (and some bad, as well, but you can't have everything) -- it served as a good read, a nice work of reference on the four audios it contained, and enough of an advertisement that I'm probably going to be buying two of the four audios just to hear the voice performances. So on the whole, I'd call this an excellent success for Big Finish, and I hope very much that this is just the first volume of many.
Loups-Garoux, by Marc Platt, was one of the reasons I bought this book -- I'd heard a lot of raves about the story, and I've also been a huge fan of Platt ever since Ghost Light. I wasn't disappointed, either... this is a great story. Pieter Stubbe is a wonderful villain, filled with a dark and menacing charm, and I find myself wanting to buy the audio just to hear his voice when he delivers lines like, "Huh. Grandmothers. I've had my fill of grandmothers." Doctor Who has given us very few villains as utterly cool as Stubbe, and my only wish is to somehow see him again. The other characters are nice too, and the regulars are dealt with well (I love the Doctor's awkward, tentative stabs at romance), and although the plot sometimes seems a little vague, it's never contradictory and always engaging.
The Holy Terror, by Rob Shearman... wow. This has been billed by many as a comedy (sometimes prefaced with the words "dark"), but don't be fooled. This is actually an intense drama with comic moments strategically placed to relieve the tension like lightning bolts in a storm. The whole thing is an exploration of responsibility -- What responsibility does the Creator have to his Creation? -- and it's dealt with on many levels, from Frobisher hunting down the gumblejack he created out of the TARDIS databanks to Pepin VII refusing to become a god to his subjects to the final, shattering denoument in which we see who the Creator really is, and what he's been doing to his creations all along. It's violent, it's bloody, it's gory, but there's never a moment in which I don't believe that this is the natural, inevitable progress of events -- I've got to get this on audio, because I think it's possibly one of the best works of Who to have shown up in a while. It's on a very high plane, and I recommend it a lot.
The Fires of Vulcan, by Steve Lyons, is... solid. It's like a lot of Steve Lyons books -- the characterization is sound, the plot unfolds well enough, there are reasonably clever moments, and on the whole, there are far worse ways to pass an afternoon (or evening, in my case) than to read it. But don't expect something world-shatteringly good. It's solid. That's probably damning it with faint praise, but there's really nothing else you can say.
Neverland, by Alan Barnes... yeurgh. This is the "bad Who" I was talking about earlier. I understand that Gary Russell wants to show off not just the quality of the scripts, but also the storylines and writers that he's developed at Big Finish. Hence, instead of including a probable crowd-pleaser Eighth Doctor story such as The Stones of Venice, Invaders From Mars, or Seasons of Fear (I'm basing this on the writers involved, not on having heard the audios), he went with one of his own writers, and a story tied strongly in with the Big Finish Eighth Doctor mythos. This proves to be a mistake, in my opinion, because Barnes isn't a very good writer, and Neverland isn't a very good story. The whole thing reads like a second-hand-shop version of the War, and although there are a few cute ideas (dispersed Time Lords continuing to exist somewhere, Time Lords donating lives to soldiers in the fight), there's a lot of codswallop (why do anti-time creatures feed on time? Shouldn't they annihilate each other?) and blather (Zagreus, Zagreus, Zagreus, yadda yadda yadda.) The Eighth Doctor... I will never again claim that the Eighth Doctor in the books doesn't have a distinct character anymore, because now I've read Neverland, and I can at least tell you who he isn't. He's not this guy. Ironic, since Paul McGann actually voiced these lines, but this isn't the Doctor. There are further problems with this as the selection (it relies heavily on knowledge of previous audios, it ends on a cliff-hanger) but the biggest one is that it's just plain bad. Not the best way to end the book.
Still, with four stories and only one being dross (and two being spectacular), that gives it a pretty good claim to be worth picking up -- and it helps that this also doubles as a reference work, for those people who want to refer back to events in The Holy Terror but don't have a good fast-forward/rewind feature on their CD player. I'd love to see another volume of these, perhaps one featuring The Shadow of the Scourge or an all-Excelis edition... and Big Finish needn't worry about this cutting into their audio sales. If anything, it'll increase them.
I was a little surprised to find out that Big Finish was releasing a book of their audio scripts -- after all, they'd said on their website that they had no interest in putting out print versions of their audios, since the audio was a hard enough format to get people interested in. It's certainly been a hard format to get me interested in, mainly because a lifetime of reading has trained me to tune out the noises around me so I can concentrate on visual stimuli, which is a bad trait to have when you're trying to listen to an audio-only drama.
In other words, I was quite glad to see a book of audio scripts from Big Finish. I hadn't been avoiding their work on any principle of cost or quality, but simply because the medium didn't appeal to me... and this nice hardcover book was going to give me a chance to read some of the Doctor Who I'd missed out on as a result. As it turned out, there was quite a lot of good Who in here (and some bad, as well, but you can't have everything) -- it served as a good read, a nice work of reference on the four audios it contained, and enough of an advertisement that I'm probably going to be buying two of the four audios just to hear the voice performances. So on the whole, I'd call this an excellent success for Big Finish, and I hope very much that this is just the first volume of many.
Loups-Garoux, by Marc Platt, was one of the reasons I bought this book -- I'd heard a lot of raves about the story, and I've also been a huge fan of Platt ever since Ghost Light. I wasn't disappointed, either... this is a great story. Pieter Stubbe is a wonderful villain, filled with a dark and menacing charm, and I find myself wanting to buy the audio just to hear his voice when he delivers lines like, "Huh. Grandmothers. I've had my fill of grandmothers." Doctor Who has given us very few villains as utterly cool as Stubbe, and my only wish is to somehow see him again. The other characters are nice too, and the regulars are dealt with well (I love the Doctor's awkward, tentative stabs at romance), and although the plot sometimes seems a little vague, it's never contradictory and always engaging.
The Holy Terror, by Rob Shearman... wow. This has been billed by many as a comedy (sometimes prefaced with the words "dark"), but don't be fooled. This is actually an intense drama with comic moments strategically placed to relieve the tension like lightning bolts in a storm. The whole thing is an exploration of responsibility -- What responsibility does the Creator have to his Creation? -- and it's dealt with on many levels, from Frobisher hunting down the gumblejack he created out of the TARDIS databanks to Pepin VII refusing to become a god to his subjects to the final, shattering denoument in which we see who the Creator really is, and what he's been doing to his creations all along. It's violent, it's bloody, it's gory, but there's never a moment in which I don't believe that this is the natural, inevitable progress of events -- I've got to get this on audio, because I think it's possibly one of the best works of Who to have shown up in a while. It's on a very high plane, and I recommend it a lot.
The Fires of Vulcan, by Steve Lyons, is... solid. It's like a lot of Steve Lyons books -- the characterization is sound, the plot unfolds well enough, there are reasonably clever moments, and on the whole, there are far worse ways to pass an afternoon (or evening, in my case) than to read it. But don't expect something world-shatteringly good. It's solid. That's probably damning it with faint praise, but there's really nothing else you can say.
Neverland, by Alan Barnes... yeurgh. This is the "bad Who" I was talking about earlier. I understand that Gary Russell wants to show off not just the quality of the scripts, but also the storylines and writers that he's developed at Big Finish. Hence, instead of including a probable crowd-pleaser Eighth Doctor story such as The Stones of Venice, Invaders From Mars, or Seasons of Fear (I'm basing this on the writers involved, not on having heard the audios), he went with one of his own writers, and a story tied strongly in with the Big Finish Eighth Doctor mythos. This proves to be a mistake, in my opinion, because Barnes isn't a very good writer, and Neverland isn't a very good story. The whole thing reads like a second-hand-shop version of the War, and although there are a few cute ideas (dispersed Time Lords continuing to exist somewhere, Time Lords donating lives to soldiers in the fight), there's a lot of codswallop (why do anti-time creatures feed on time? Shouldn't they annihilate each other?) and blather (Zagreus, Zagreus, Zagreus, yadda yadda yadda.) The Eighth Doctor... I will never again claim that the Eighth Doctor in the books doesn't have a distinct character anymore, because now I've read Neverland, and I can at least tell you who he isn't. He's not this guy. Ironic, since Paul McGann actually voiced these lines, but this isn't the Doctor. There are further problems with this as the selection (it relies heavily on knowledge of previous audios, it ends on a cliff-hanger) but the biggest one is that it's just plain bad. Not the best way to end the book.
Still, with four stories and only one being dross (and two being spectacular), that gives it a pretty good claim to be worth picking up -- and it helps that this also doubles as a reference work, for those people who want to refer back to events in The Holy Terror but don't have a good fast-forward/rewind feature on their CD player. I'd love to see another volume of these, perhaps one featuring The Shadow of the Scourge or an all-Excelis edition... and Big Finish needn't worry about this cutting into their audio sales. If anything, it'll increase them.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Review: Creed of the Kromon
(Originally posted to the Doctor Who Ratings Guide on January 18, 2006.)
So the Doctor and Charley are in an entirely new, Divergent even, universe. One completely different from anything in ours, in which anything, anything at all can happen.
Blimey, I thought as I listened to Creed of the Kromon, who'd have thought he spent most of the 80s there.
Seriously, this is exactly the wrong way to kick off the first real exploration of the Divergent universe; it's a vapid retread of old Doctor Who ideas combined with themes that are, to say the least, well-worn even in our own universe. To find that the Kromon, a species in a different universe with a different perception of time and space, behave exactly like an Earth corporation from the 1980s, well... it's disappointing to say the least. The plot is a four-part treadmill of capture/escape/capture/escape, the Doctor commits genocide at the end without even the slightest hint of a whisper of a notion of remorse, and C'rizz is wetter than a swimsuit model at a sprinkler convention. Scherzo might have been frustrating, but at least it understood what should be done with the idea of a Divergent universe and did it. This should have been shelved until there was a slot open for one of the other Doctors.
So the Doctor and Charley are in an entirely new, Divergent even, universe. One completely different from anything in ours, in which anything, anything at all can happen.
Blimey, I thought as I listened to Creed of the Kromon, who'd have thought he spent most of the 80s there.
Seriously, this is exactly the wrong way to kick off the first real exploration of the Divergent universe; it's a vapid retread of old Doctor Who ideas combined with themes that are, to say the least, well-worn even in our own universe. To find that the Kromon, a species in a different universe with a different perception of time and space, behave exactly like an Earth corporation from the 1980s, well... it's disappointing to say the least. The plot is a four-part treadmill of capture/escape/capture/escape, the Doctor commits genocide at the end without even the slightest hint of a whisper of a notion of remorse, and C'rizz is wetter than a swimsuit model at a sprinkler convention. Scherzo might have been frustrating, but at least it understood what should be done with the idea of a Divergent universe and did it. This should have been shelved until there was a slot open for one of the other Doctors.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Review: Short Trips - Companions
(Originally posted to the Doctor Who Ratings Guide on May 18, 2003.)
Upon thinking about it, I have to say that Short Trips -- Companions improves upon its predecessor from Big Finish, Short Trips -- Zodiac. The theme is better, allowing for a focus on characters who might not have gotten their chance to shine in the TV series. There's no linking material (and given the linking material in Zodiac, trust me, this is an improvement.) It still suffers, though, from a generally unambitious set of stories... stories that, when you finish them, you'll comment on with a sort of "Huh. That was a story that was, indeed, set in Doctor Who. It had words that combined into sentences. Can't argue with that." There's some nice stuff, but as with Zodiac, there's nothing that makes this a must-buy.
The opening story, Tip of the Mind by Peter Anghelides, does deal with one of the single greatest injustices in Doctor Who -- the violation of the minds and memories of Zoe and Jamie in The War Games. Unfortunately, it deals with it by definitively establishing that Zoe never gets her memory back, a downer that tainted this story for me. I can't say it was bad, though -- just that I didn't like it.
The Splintered Gate, by Justin Richards, has a cute ending, but little more. Really, it's so short that I think my two-sentence review of it is actually longer than the story; at the very least, it doesn't wear out its welcome.
The Man From DOCTO(R), by Andrew Collins, wins an award for "Goofiest Story of Anthology", and is actually quite enjoyable because it presents its oddness with a straight face. It's Harry Sullivan's War, crossed with Dave Stone's mentality, and I enjoyed it (even if it seems very out of place in the anthology.)
Apocrypha Bipedium, by Ian Potter, definitely has its moments, and there were points I laughed my head off... but it drags on too long (I think ten pages, instead of twenty, would have been a better length) and it doesn't help that it's set between two audios I haven't heard, near-totally losing me in its talk of temporal paradoxes and whatnot. Still, the list the Doctor gives to Shakespeare at the end of Things Not To Do is worth the whole wait.
A Boy's Tale, by Gary Russell, is a surprisingly readable story (well, surprising for me. I'm not a Russell fan.) It's not exactly intellectual -- this is the sort of story I'd have loved to read if I was the age of ten, say -- but it's a very well-written kid's story that illuminates how, at one point, Doctor Who was in fact a series for children.
Kept Safe and Sound, by Paul Magrs, is the second story in two anthologies in which Magrs writes for K-9, and the second story in two anthologies in which he can't get the character even close to approaching a very great distance from a locale somewhere near 2,000 miles away from "RIGHT". The first time it was funny; this time it's just perplexing, and kind of annoying.
The Lying Old Witch In the Wardrobe, by Mark Michalowski, seems written entirely to explain away the inconsistencies in Destiny of the Daleks. It's got a few cute moments, but I have to say, did we really need an entire story to explain why Romana goes through the quickie regenerations at the beginning and only takes one radiation pill?
Hearts of Stone, by Steve Lyons, is all about Adric, and I think that was its big mistake right there. It's well-told, but it's still the adventures of a whiny teenager doing something stupid, and frankly, I had enough of that when I was a whiny teenager myself. The whole reason we hate Adric is that he reminds us of how stupid we were when we were that age.
Distance, by Tara Samms, is very much in the mold of Samms' other work; sad, quietly lyrical, strange, and haunting, if not exactly sensible and well-explicated. Stephen Cole uses the pseudonym when he's writing to create a specific effect, and he definitely hits the nail on the head here.
Qualia, by Stephen Fewell, is a classic "OH!" story. You get thrown from scene to scene, you have no clue what's going on, it barely makes sense... then you get to the explanation at the end, and say, "OH!" Not bad (quite good in showing some of Turlough's background), but very very confusing. (It doesn't help that the guards on Turlough's homeworld are described in a way that makes them sound like the guards on Gallifrey.)
Curriculum Vitae, by Simon Guerrier, does touch on a vital theme of companion appearances after they've left the TARDIS -- why does it so frequently seem as though they're unhappy? Polly, of all people, explains just what it's like to come back to the world after traveling the universe, and does it with style. A nice piece.
Notre Dame du Temps, by Nick Clark, is another nice piece, and it doesn't hurt that it uses the EDA-current TARDIS crew. (As well as the Doctor between Lungbarrow and the TV movie -- sure, there shouldn't be gaps there, as the Doctor supposedly left Gallifrey on his big mission -- but if we've established that he put off getting the Key to Time for 30 years or so, what's a few side trips before picking up the Master's ashes?) Oh, and it echoes City of Death, so it picks up the spare in terms of "great eras of Doctor Who."
The Little Drummer Boy, by Eddie Robson, is notable mostly because it's the only Doctor Who story in the post-Survival era ever to use Sara Kingdom as a companion. Not that it needs to, or that this matters to the story, or... sorry. It's a bit generic. Not bad, just a bit generic.
Speaking of generic, Hidden Talent, by Andrew Spokes, is a Third Doctor/Master story and that's about all you can say about it. Well, OK, there's a good joke about eighties fashion at the end, and the Master's plan is endearingly goofy, but that's it.
David Bailey's The Canvey Angels goes for the same effect as Distance, but I'm not sure if it achieves it as well. It's got some nice imagery and clever themes, but it never seems to quite connect it all together. (As a side note, to older fans of the series, it's quite distracting to name a major character in the story "Hemmings", as I kept expecting the whole thing to tie back into the Timewyrm saga.)
Balloon Debate, by Simon A. Forward, almost succeeds brilliantly through its sheer audacity, being a story in which every single companion is stuck in a room together and has to justify their continued existence to the others (Romana I's explanation that she should survive over her future self is great), but then chickens out at the end in a big way. A very big way. A huge, story-deflating, worse-than-it-was-all-a-dream, worse-than-they-were-all-clones, worse-than-it-was-an-alternate-reality way. Too bad, because I was right with it up until then.
And, last but not least, A Long Night by Alison Lawson makes an excellent... er, companion piece... to Curriculum Vitae by touching on the one thing that never gets touched on in Doctor Who... what about the families of the companions? Don't they worry? How do they deal with their loved ones just... vanishing? It's a heart-wrencher, it really is.
On the whole, again, I can't find much to actively dislike here... but at the same time, there's not much to make me stand up and cheer. I know Big Finish is capable of doing something much better -- A Life of Surprises is tied with Decalog 3 as tops in the Who anthology contest. But this one just has too many stories put in there just to fill up the page count.
Upon thinking about it, I have to say that Short Trips -- Companions improves upon its predecessor from Big Finish, Short Trips -- Zodiac. The theme is better, allowing for a focus on characters who might not have gotten their chance to shine in the TV series. There's no linking material (and given the linking material in Zodiac, trust me, this is an improvement.) It still suffers, though, from a generally unambitious set of stories... stories that, when you finish them, you'll comment on with a sort of "Huh. That was a story that was, indeed, set in Doctor Who. It had words that combined into sentences. Can't argue with that." There's some nice stuff, but as with Zodiac, there's nothing that makes this a must-buy.
The opening story, Tip of the Mind by Peter Anghelides, does deal with one of the single greatest injustices in Doctor Who -- the violation of the minds and memories of Zoe and Jamie in The War Games. Unfortunately, it deals with it by definitively establishing that Zoe never gets her memory back, a downer that tainted this story for me. I can't say it was bad, though -- just that I didn't like it.
The Splintered Gate, by Justin Richards, has a cute ending, but little more. Really, it's so short that I think my two-sentence review of it is actually longer than the story; at the very least, it doesn't wear out its welcome.
The Man From DOCTO(R), by Andrew Collins, wins an award for "Goofiest Story of Anthology", and is actually quite enjoyable because it presents its oddness with a straight face. It's Harry Sullivan's War, crossed with Dave Stone's mentality, and I enjoyed it (even if it seems very out of place in the anthology.)
Apocrypha Bipedium, by Ian Potter, definitely has its moments, and there were points I laughed my head off... but it drags on too long (I think ten pages, instead of twenty, would have been a better length) and it doesn't help that it's set between two audios I haven't heard, near-totally losing me in its talk of temporal paradoxes and whatnot. Still, the list the Doctor gives to Shakespeare at the end of Things Not To Do is worth the whole wait.
A Boy's Tale, by Gary Russell, is a surprisingly readable story (well, surprising for me. I'm not a Russell fan.) It's not exactly intellectual -- this is the sort of story I'd have loved to read if I was the age of ten, say -- but it's a very well-written kid's story that illuminates how, at one point, Doctor Who was in fact a series for children.
Kept Safe and Sound, by Paul Magrs, is the second story in two anthologies in which Magrs writes for K-9, and the second story in two anthologies in which he can't get the character even close to approaching a very great distance from a locale somewhere near 2,000 miles away from "RIGHT". The first time it was funny; this time it's just perplexing, and kind of annoying.
The Lying Old Witch In the Wardrobe, by Mark Michalowski, seems written entirely to explain away the inconsistencies in Destiny of the Daleks. It's got a few cute moments, but I have to say, did we really need an entire story to explain why Romana goes through the quickie regenerations at the beginning and only takes one radiation pill?
Hearts of Stone, by Steve Lyons, is all about Adric, and I think that was its big mistake right there. It's well-told, but it's still the adventures of a whiny teenager doing something stupid, and frankly, I had enough of that when I was a whiny teenager myself. The whole reason we hate Adric is that he reminds us of how stupid we were when we were that age.
Distance, by Tara Samms, is very much in the mold of Samms' other work; sad, quietly lyrical, strange, and haunting, if not exactly sensible and well-explicated. Stephen Cole uses the pseudonym when he's writing to create a specific effect, and he definitely hits the nail on the head here.
Qualia, by Stephen Fewell, is a classic "OH!" story. You get thrown from scene to scene, you have no clue what's going on, it barely makes sense... then you get to the explanation at the end, and say, "OH!" Not bad (quite good in showing some of Turlough's background), but very very confusing. (It doesn't help that the guards on Turlough's homeworld are described in a way that makes them sound like the guards on Gallifrey.)
Curriculum Vitae, by Simon Guerrier, does touch on a vital theme of companion appearances after they've left the TARDIS -- why does it so frequently seem as though they're unhappy? Polly, of all people, explains just what it's like to come back to the world after traveling the universe, and does it with style. A nice piece.
Notre Dame du Temps, by Nick Clark, is another nice piece, and it doesn't hurt that it uses the EDA-current TARDIS crew. (As well as the Doctor between Lungbarrow and the TV movie -- sure, there shouldn't be gaps there, as the Doctor supposedly left Gallifrey on his big mission -- but if we've established that he put off getting the Key to Time for 30 years or so, what's a few side trips before picking up the Master's ashes?) Oh, and it echoes City of Death, so it picks up the spare in terms of "great eras of Doctor Who."
The Little Drummer Boy, by Eddie Robson, is notable mostly because it's the only Doctor Who story in the post-Survival era ever to use Sara Kingdom as a companion. Not that it needs to, or that this matters to the story, or... sorry. It's a bit generic. Not bad, just a bit generic.
Speaking of generic, Hidden Talent, by Andrew Spokes, is a Third Doctor/Master story and that's about all you can say about it. Well, OK, there's a good joke about eighties fashion at the end, and the Master's plan is endearingly goofy, but that's it.
David Bailey's The Canvey Angels goes for the same effect as Distance, but I'm not sure if it achieves it as well. It's got some nice imagery and clever themes, but it never seems to quite connect it all together. (As a side note, to older fans of the series, it's quite distracting to name a major character in the story "Hemmings", as I kept expecting the whole thing to tie back into the Timewyrm saga.)
Balloon Debate, by Simon A. Forward, almost succeeds brilliantly through its sheer audacity, being a story in which every single companion is stuck in a room together and has to justify their continued existence to the others (Romana I's explanation that she should survive over her future self is great), but then chickens out at the end in a big way. A very big way. A huge, story-deflating, worse-than-it-was-all-a-dream, worse-than-they-were-all-clones, worse-than-it-was-an-alternate-reality way. Too bad, because I was right with it up until then.
And, last but not least, A Long Night by Alison Lawson makes an excellent... er, companion piece... to Curriculum Vitae by touching on the one thing that never gets touched on in Doctor Who... what about the families of the companions? Don't they worry? How do they deal with their loved ones just... vanishing? It's a heart-wrencher, it really is.
On the whole, again, I can't find much to actively dislike here... but at the same time, there's not much to make me stand up and cheer. I know Big Finish is capable of doing something much better -- A Life of Surprises is tied with Decalog 3 as tops in the Who anthology contest. But this one just has too many stories put in there just to fill up the page count.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Capsule Review: Fearmonger
(Originally posted to the Doctor Who Ratings Guide on October 15, 2003.)
A pretty strong audio, with an absolutely corking beginning (the DJ suddenly looking up and finding the Doctor sitting in on his call-in show), and an absolutely ripping ending, and several good bits in between. There's a bit of a muddle towards the middle, with people switching sides every five minutes and perhaps one too many speeches about the New Britannia Party being bad (although I do think it funny that for the whole audio, the Doctor's saying how he can't do anything about the NBP because they're a human problem, and humans have to deal with them... only to, at the end, cut them off at the knees and leave them to the mob); however, Sylvester gets some choice speeches, and shows why he's probably the best Doctor for the audios. (It's Sylv or Colin. Depends on the script and my mood, really.)
A pretty strong audio, with an absolutely corking beginning (the DJ suddenly looking up and finding the Doctor sitting in on his call-in show), and an absolutely ripping ending, and several good bits in between. There's a bit of a muddle towards the middle, with people switching sides every five minutes and perhaps one too many speeches about the New Britannia Party being bad (although I do think it funny that for the whole audio, the Doctor's saying how he can't do anything about the NBP because they're a human problem, and humans have to deal with them... only to, at the end, cut them off at the knees and leave them to the mob); however, Sylvester gets some choice speeches, and shows why he's probably the best Doctor for the audios. (It's Sylv or Colin. Depends on the script and my mood, really.)
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Review: A Life of Surprises
(Originally posted to the Doctor Who Ratings Guide, March 14, 2003.)
Now that Bernice Summerfield has been around, as a character, for a decade (a quite respectable length of time for a fictional character), it's time for a celebration of her exploits -- an anthology that selects moments from her long and storied career and presents them to us for our enjoyment!
Except for her time with the Doctor, because we don't have the rights. And most of her time on Dellah, because we don't have the rights. And we've just decided to ignore those five years on Vremnya. So, here it is, a celebration of the last year of the ten years of Bernice Summerfield!
Actually, that's a bit harsh. Several of the stories do at least make veiled references to the Doctor, even if they can't mention him directly (except for Terrance Dicks, who gets away with it because he's Terrance Dicks.) And there's even one story that mentions Dellah. Still, the whole thing is weighted a bit heavily towards the Big Finish era of Benny books and audios, which, while it isn't a bad thing, does get away from the "anniversary" aspect of the anthology.
Don't get me wrong, though -- I loved A Life of Surprises. This is, overall, one of the top anthologies produced for Doctor Who and spin-offs, and possibly the best ever. Lots of great authors, lots of strong stories, and very little dross.
The Shape of the Hole, by Paul Cornell, is one of the ones that makes veiled reference to the Doctor, and has a nice message. Kind of hard to say more about it, because it's two pages long.
Kill the Mouse!, by Daniel O'Mahoney, is another example of why I think this writer should do another Who novel -- while this is a beautiful bit of prose and a fascinating story, it still feels way too short. It's as though he wrote an excerpt from a novel (my complaint about the last O'Mahoney story I read, Heart of Glass, as well.) Still, it's got vivid imagery and creepy scenes.
Solar Max and the Seven-Handed Snake Mother, by Kate Orman, is the result of what I can only assume was some sort of bet to see if she could write a story based on that title. It is a good story, if a bit strange, but the whole thing seems ever so slightly, well... like it was written to justify that title.
A Mutual Friend, by Terrance Dicks, is utter shameless pandering to the fans by making an utterly contrived meeting between Sarah Jane Smith and Bernice Summerfield. That said, I loved it because I'm one of the fans being shamelessly pandered to. That, and I loved the line about "alco-pops saying 'pop' but thinking 'alco'."
Alien Planets and You, by Dave Stone, is one of the highlights of the collection for me... then again, I'm a Dave Stone fan. It's a hilarious how-to-be-Benny guide, complete with footnotes on how the hints are used in practice. My one complaint (which also pops up later) is that the footnotes are placed at the end of the story instead of the bottom of the page, which breaks the rhythm of the story a bit.
Something Broken, by Paul Ebbs, is another funny one -- Benny lends herself to humor better than the Doctor, I think, and the short story lends itself better to humor than to any other genre, so the two together help a lot.
The Collection, by Peter Anghelides, might have worked better as a novel -- it's a time travel story, with several twists and turns, but crammed into such a small space that it's like watching Greg Louganis try to do a triple-somersault half-pike into the shallow end of the pool. It also doesn't help that it has the same footnote problem that Alien Planets and You did.
Setting Stone, by Mark Stevens, is another story that makes reference to the Doctor... and to the morally ambiguous nature of some of the Seventh Doctor's adventures. Here, the archaeologist Benny comes across the remains of a civilization she helped bring down, lo those many centuries ago. Bittersweet, but pretty good.
Time's Team, by David McIntee, ranks as one of his better works -- I've always liked McIntee's ideas, but felt he had somewhat undifferentiated prose, so it's nice to see him put some work into making this one... well, still not sparkle, perhaps, but at least glint. It's another humorous story, too.
Beedlemania, by Nev Fountain, is possibly the strangest story in the collection, needing to be read to be believed. It's also quite, quite funny, although it doesn't do wonders for Ace's reputation. So mind-bogglingly strange as to beggar the imagination.
The All-Seeing Eye, by Justin Richards, is haunting, beautiful, and strange... and creepy, too. Richards is usually noted for his plotting, not his characterization, but this one is almost all character -- and does a lot of development in a very short span. Seen as a companion piece to Virgin Lands from the Short Trips: Zodiac collection, it's very interesting indeed.
And Then Again, by Rob Shearman, is yet another one of those bloody alternate universe stories... and one that has the (unnamed) Doctor in it to boot. That said, it's still quite good, being a glimpse of the one person who you'd expect to be most like Bernice, and yet is pretty much her exact opposite.
Cuckoo, by Stephen Fewell, is actually a bit of a plodder... after all is said and done, not much actually happens in this story, unless of course you count the chicken attack. The message seems kind of vague, too. Probably the weakest story of the anthology, but still not actually bad.
A la Recherche du Temps Perdu, by David Bailey, has the world's biggest plot hole, but dances around it interestingly. (The story involves Benny having stored some of her memories in a 'menmosine store book', which locks up the memory so she doesn't remember it, but the book will. The bad guy tricks her into reading the book out loud so he can find out what she knows... but she's stored so much stuff in it that help arrives before he gets to the relevant information. The plot hole? If she's stored all this stuff in it, she doesn't remember it, which basically means that Benny is a total amnesiac.) Also notable for another hidden Doctor appearance, in which he restores all of Benny's lost diaries to her.
Squadborronfell, by Nick Walters, is a nice enough mood piece, a sad little reflection on war and hatred that rises above the 'Star Trek'-esque plot it's given. Still, not that memorable -- although again, not bad.
Taken By the Muses, by Steve Lyons, is an absolutely hilarious story of Benny having to argue for her life entirely in rhyme before the Supreme Muse. Steve Lyons every once in a while gets a weird rhyming obssession which can turn out quite funny, and this is another recurrence of it. I loved it.
The Spartacus Syndrome, by Jonathan Morris, could well be the best story of the collection and cements Morris' skyrocketing reputation after two fantastic novels. I won't go into detail, except to say that first, this is a story worth picking up a collection for (although I hope I've made it clear that the collection as a whole is good), and second, he fits the 'Life of Brian' joke in there.
Might, by Neil Corry, brings back Keith from Return of the Living Dad... well, maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Hard to say, which is one of the strong points of the story. It's got some interesting stuff in it -- not on the high end of the anthology, but that's only because it's a very good anthology.
Paydirt, by Lance Parkin, takes the same level of myth-building that we see all the time for the Doctor and points out that, by now, this can actually apply to Bernice as well, which is an astonishing thing when you think about it. Probably more "ground-breaking" than "good", but still both, which is always welcome.
Dear Friend, by Jim Sangster, is Benny's open letter to the Doctor... and does anyone else find it odd that the Doctor apparently never visits her, even "off-screen", and she never mentions his name, even when talking about him? It's like the characters are aware of the licencing agreements. *shrug* A nice enough capper to the collection, except for...
Afterword, by Lloyd Rose, which isn't a story at all, but the actual afterword -- an essay on the evolution of Bernice which really makes you just want to stand up and cheer for the character.
That's basically what this anthology is -- a big cheer for Bernice. And as one of her big fans, I invite everyone to join right in.
Now that Bernice Summerfield has been around, as a character, for a decade (a quite respectable length of time for a fictional character), it's time for a celebration of her exploits -- an anthology that selects moments from her long and storied career and presents them to us for our enjoyment!
Except for her time with the Doctor, because we don't have the rights. And most of her time on Dellah, because we don't have the rights. And we've just decided to ignore those five years on Vremnya. So, here it is, a celebration of the last year of the ten years of Bernice Summerfield!
Actually, that's a bit harsh. Several of the stories do at least make veiled references to the Doctor, even if they can't mention him directly (except for Terrance Dicks, who gets away with it because he's Terrance Dicks.) And there's even one story that mentions Dellah. Still, the whole thing is weighted a bit heavily towards the Big Finish era of Benny books and audios, which, while it isn't a bad thing, does get away from the "anniversary" aspect of the anthology.
Don't get me wrong, though -- I loved A Life of Surprises. This is, overall, one of the top anthologies produced for Doctor Who and spin-offs, and possibly the best ever. Lots of great authors, lots of strong stories, and very little dross.
The Shape of the Hole, by Paul Cornell, is one of the ones that makes veiled reference to the Doctor, and has a nice message. Kind of hard to say more about it, because it's two pages long.
Kill the Mouse!, by Daniel O'Mahoney, is another example of why I think this writer should do another Who novel -- while this is a beautiful bit of prose and a fascinating story, it still feels way too short. It's as though he wrote an excerpt from a novel (my complaint about the last O'Mahoney story I read, Heart of Glass, as well.) Still, it's got vivid imagery and creepy scenes.
Solar Max and the Seven-Handed Snake Mother, by Kate Orman, is the result of what I can only assume was some sort of bet to see if she could write a story based on that title. It is a good story, if a bit strange, but the whole thing seems ever so slightly, well... like it was written to justify that title.
A Mutual Friend, by Terrance Dicks, is utter shameless pandering to the fans by making an utterly contrived meeting between Sarah Jane Smith and Bernice Summerfield. That said, I loved it because I'm one of the fans being shamelessly pandered to. That, and I loved the line about "alco-pops saying 'pop' but thinking 'alco'."
Alien Planets and You, by Dave Stone, is one of the highlights of the collection for me... then again, I'm a Dave Stone fan. It's a hilarious how-to-be-Benny guide, complete with footnotes on how the hints are used in practice. My one complaint (which also pops up later) is that the footnotes are placed at the end of the story instead of the bottom of the page, which breaks the rhythm of the story a bit.
Something Broken, by Paul Ebbs, is another funny one -- Benny lends herself to humor better than the Doctor, I think, and the short story lends itself better to humor than to any other genre, so the two together help a lot.
The Collection, by Peter Anghelides, might have worked better as a novel -- it's a time travel story, with several twists and turns, but crammed into such a small space that it's like watching Greg Louganis try to do a triple-somersault half-pike into the shallow end of the pool. It also doesn't help that it has the same footnote problem that Alien Planets and You did.
Setting Stone, by Mark Stevens, is another story that makes reference to the Doctor... and to the morally ambiguous nature of some of the Seventh Doctor's adventures. Here, the archaeologist Benny comes across the remains of a civilization she helped bring down, lo those many centuries ago. Bittersweet, but pretty good.
Time's Team, by David McIntee, ranks as one of his better works -- I've always liked McIntee's ideas, but felt he had somewhat undifferentiated prose, so it's nice to see him put some work into making this one... well, still not sparkle, perhaps, but at least glint. It's another humorous story, too.
Beedlemania, by Nev Fountain, is possibly the strangest story in the collection, needing to be read to be believed. It's also quite, quite funny, although it doesn't do wonders for Ace's reputation. So mind-bogglingly strange as to beggar the imagination.
The All-Seeing Eye, by Justin Richards, is haunting, beautiful, and strange... and creepy, too. Richards is usually noted for his plotting, not his characterization, but this one is almost all character -- and does a lot of development in a very short span. Seen as a companion piece to Virgin Lands from the Short Trips: Zodiac collection, it's very interesting indeed.
And Then Again, by Rob Shearman, is yet another one of those bloody alternate universe stories... and one that has the (unnamed) Doctor in it to boot. That said, it's still quite good, being a glimpse of the one person who you'd expect to be most like Bernice, and yet is pretty much her exact opposite.
Cuckoo, by Stephen Fewell, is actually a bit of a plodder... after all is said and done, not much actually happens in this story, unless of course you count the chicken attack. The message seems kind of vague, too. Probably the weakest story of the anthology, but still not actually bad.
A la Recherche du Temps Perdu, by David Bailey, has the world's biggest plot hole, but dances around it interestingly. (The story involves Benny having stored some of her memories in a 'menmosine store book', which locks up the memory so she doesn't remember it, but the book will. The bad guy tricks her into reading the book out loud so he can find out what she knows... but she's stored so much stuff in it that help arrives before he gets to the relevant information. The plot hole? If she's stored all this stuff in it, she doesn't remember it, which basically means that Benny is a total amnesiac.) Also notable for another hidden Doctor appearance, in which he restores all of Benny's lost diaries to her.
Squadborronfell, by Nick Walters, is a nice enough mood piece, a sad little reflection on war and hatred that rises above the 'Star Trek'-esque plot it's given. Still, not that memorable -- although again, not bad.
Taken By the Muses, by Steve Lyons, is an absolutely hilarious story of Benny having to argue for her life entirely in rhyme before the Supreme Muse. Steve Lyons every once in a while gets a weird rhyming obssession which can turn out quite funny, and this is another recurrence of it. I loved it.
The Spartacus Syndrome, by Jonathan Morris, could well be the best story of the collection and cements Morris' skyrocketing reputation after two fantastic novels. I won't go into detail, except to say that first, this is a story worth picking up a collection for (although I hope I've made it clear that the collection as a whole is good), and second, he fits the 'Life of Brian' joke in there.
Might, by Neil Corry, brings back Keith from Return of the Living Dad... well, maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. Hard to say, which is one of the strong points of the story. It's got some interesting stuff in it -- not on the high end of the anthology, but that's only because it's a very good anthology.
Paydirt, by Lance Parkin, takes the same level of myth-building that we see all the time for the Doctor and points out that, by now, this can actually apply to Bernice as well, which is an astonishing thing when you think about it. Probably more "ground-breaking" than "good", but still both, which is always welcome.
Dear Friend, by Jim Sangster, is Benny's open letter to the Doctor... and does anyone else find it odd that the Doctor apparently never visits her, even "off-screen", and she never mentions his name, even when talking about him? It's like the characters are aware of the licencing agreements. *shrug* A nice enough capper to the collection, except for...
Afterword, by Lloyd Rose, which isn't a story at all, but the actual afterword -- an essay on the evolution of Bernice which really makes you just want to stand up and cheer for the character.
That's basically what this anthology is -- a big cheer for Bernice. And as one of her big fans, I invite everyone to join right in.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Review: The Squire's Crystal
(Originally posted to the Doctor Who Ratings Guide, March 6, 2003.)
Unfortunately, the good folks at Big Finish neglected to include a warning label on The Squire's Crystal, and I'm quite worried that someone might get hurt as a result. Hence, I'm including the following as a public service: Simply print it out, and affix it to your copy. Lives may be saved as a result.
"Warning: The plot of The Squire's Crystal is not a load-bearing narrative. Please do not attempt to put any pressure on the logic in the novel, as it can and will snap. Under no circumstances attempt to engage your brain while reading this book. Simply enjoy the funny dialogue and humorous situations, and return the book to its proper position when finished."
In other words, this book is total fluff. It's endearing, enjoyable, ever so slightly smutty fluff, and if you are in the mood for fluff, I cannot recommend a book more highly... but do not under any circumstances come to this book for its plot.
So, I've now read three Big Finish Benny novels, and I've now had three instances of Benny being duped by a good-looking guy. I don't wish to suggest that she's utterly desperate for a shag, here, but explanations are starting to get a bit thin on the ground. The "messages from Fred" come thick and fast in the section where she gets suckered by Dominic -- from "Nah, he couldn't be trying to dupe me, because it'd be so implausible if that were to happen right away again after the last two times" to "Oh, bugger, he did sucker me, how gullible must I be to let it happen again so soon after the last two times!" Yes, that's the author's conscience speaking out.
This is also the third consecutive book where someone's made use of the Fifth Axis... OK, yes, we get the picture, they're around. Aren't there going to be any other villains to deal with anywhere?
Other minor plot quibbles (How did Avril's lair escape Brax's notice? Why doesn't Benny start telling people who she is once she gets back to the Collection? When does Benny get the chance to do all the research that she claims to have done to uncover all the answers she dishes out at the end?) do get dealt with, eventually, sort of... but again, do not attempt to apply pressure to the logic of this novel. Especially not to the discovery of Avril's lair, which is the worst coincidence EVER. (Just as Dominic visits the Collection to tell them that Avril's lair is somewhere on the asteroid, it so happens that there's a cave-in, revealing said lair. *sigh*)
So, with no plot to sustain us, where does that leave The Squire's Crystal? With a lot of funny scenes and great Benny characterization. Most of the novel is told from a third-person limited perspective, with us seeing the action through Benny's eyes... or, as events unfold, through the eyes of the male body Benny inhabits. Many have made mention of the all-too-frequent jokes about male anatomy in this book... however, they're funny jokes about the male anatomy. (My favorite line was when Benny suddenly shrieked out, "Aah! It moved on its own!" right in front of the girlfriend of the man she was impersonating.) There's also some very funny bits when Avril attempts to pretend to be Benny using Benny's diaries as a guideline, not understanding that Benny uses her diaries not as a means of recording her feelings, but as a coping mechanism for concealing them. :)
The whole thing, despite a few deaths and a "stinger" ending, is a laugh riot from start to finish, a Big Finish equivalent to The Joy Device or Mad Dogs and Englishmen. It's fluff... but every once in a while, fluff is nice to relax into.
Unfortunately, the good folks at Big Finish neglected to include a warning label on The Squire's Crystal, and I'm quite worried that someone might get hurt as a result. Hence, I'm including the following as a public service: Simply print it out, and affix it to your copy. Lives may be saved as a result.
"Warning: The plot of The Squire's Crystal is not a load-bearing narrative. Please do not attempt to put any pressure on the logic in the novel, as it can and will snap. Under no circumstances attempt to engage your brain while reading this book. Simply enjoy the funny dialogue and humorous situations, and return the book to its proper position when finished."
In other words, this book is total fluff. It's endearing, enjoyable, ever so slightly smutty fluff, and if you are in the mood for fluff, I cannot recommend a book more highly... but do not under any circumstances come to this book for its plot.
So, I've now read three Big Finish Benny novels, and I've now had three instances of Benny being duped by a good-looking guy. I don't wish to suggest that she's utterly desperate for a shag, here, but explanations are starting to get a bit thin on the ground. The "messages from Fred" come thick and fast in the section where she gets suckered by Dominic -- from "Nah, he couldn't be trying to dupe me, because it'd be so implausible if that were to happen right away again after the last two times" to "Oh, bugger, he did sucker me, how gullible must I be to let it happen again so soon after the last two times!" Yes, that's the author's conscience speaking out.
This is also the third consecutive book where someone's made use of the Fifth Axis... OK, yes, we get the picture, they're around. Aren't there going to be any other villains to deal with anywhere?
Other minor plot quibbles (How did Avril's lair escape Brax's notice? Why doesn't Benny start telling people who she is once she gets back to the Collection? When does Benny get the chance to do all the research that she claims to have done to uncover all the answers she dishes out at the end?) do get dealt with, eventually, sort of... but again, do not attempt to apply pressure to the logic of this novel. Especially not to the discovery of Avril's lair, which is the worst coincidence EVER. (Just as Dominic visits the Collection to tell them that Avril's lair is somewhere on the asteroid, it so happens that there's a cave-in, revealing said lair. *sigh*)
So, with no plot to sustain us, where does that leave The Squire's Crystal? With a lot of funny scenes and great Benny characterization. Most of the novel is told from a third-person limited perspective, with us seeing the action through Benny's eyes... or, as events unfold, through the eyes of the male body Benny inhabits. Many have made mention of the all-too-frequent jokes about male anatomy in this book... however, they're funny jokes about the male anatomy. (My favorite line was when Benny suddenly shrieked out, "Aah! It moved on its own!" right in front of the girlfriend of the man she was impersonating.) There's also some very funny bits when Avril attempts to pretend to be Benny using Benny's diaries as a guideline, not understanding that Benny uses her diaries not as a means of recording her feelings, but as a coping mechanism for concealing them. :)
The whole thing, despite a few deaths and a "stinger" ending, is a laugh riot from start to finish, a Big Finish equivalent to The Joy Device or Mad Dogs and Englishmen. It's fluff... but every once in a while, fluff is nice to relax into.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Review: Arrangements for War
(Originally posted on the Doctor Who Ratings Guide in April 2006. And, um...well, remember how I said I'd try to be positive? I said I'd try. I didn't say how hard...)
Well, I didn't think it was possible, but it's finally happened. Big Finish has finally produced an audio that could contend with Minuet In Hell for their coveted title of "Worst Doctor Who Audio Ever". This is a work of staggering stupidity, breathtaking inanity, and such complete idiocy that the author has to simply stop at points and fill in the plot gaps with narrative, as I'm sure the actors took one look at the script and said, "I'm not reading that crap." (And when you believe that a man who performed in Timelash said, "I'm not reading that crap," you're talking about some seriously dim-witted stuff.)
The plot revolves around the two kingdoms of Sillyname and Stupidname, which are about to end centuries of tension with an arranged marriage between Prince Hi-I'm-Not-Actually-In-This and Princess Kristina, who's all worried that she won't be able to be with her love, Marcus, once she's in a loveless marriage. (Those of you bringing up all of European history to counter this assertion are already way ahead of the plot.) The marriage is opposed by transparently evil villain Suskind, played by Philip Bretherton with all the subtlety of Snidely Whiplash, who's the leader of Prince Doesn't-Have-Any-Dialogue's country. Suskind is planting bombs, sneaking in assassins, arranging demonstrations, and generally trying to sow chaos and discord... in Princess Kristina's capital. Amazingly, nobody seems to ever think of restricting the foreign leader's movements or communications in any way.
The Doctor and Evelyn get involved, each in their own way because they're not talking to each other because Evelyn's turned unspeakably whiny, and manage to turn the situation into an outright war. The Doctor tries to help Kristina and Marcus by passing along letters, but Suskind's thug, Pokol (played by Lewis Rae, who appears to be trying to outdo Bretherton in the Snidely Whiplash-a-thon), steals the letters from Kristina's bedroom, which he is allowed access to because of his status as bodyguard of the leader of another country, and uses them to dissolve the alliance and start a war.
The Doctor gets locked up, for no sane and sensible reason, and is visited in prison by Suskind, who appears to not only have not been deported from the country he's just declared war on, but is allowed freedom of movement within the capital, the right to wander in and talk to political prisoners, and to continue to have his private staff of bodyguards to wander around fully armed. This isn't just a plot hole, it's a plot singularity -- Suskind's actions drive the entire second half of the audio, and at every moment, you wonder if the writer wasn't just a bit confused about what nations at war traditionally do. It'd be like setting a play during World War II, and having Hitler live in London for the duration with his SS in tow. Anyhow, Suskind twirls his moustache a bit, Pokol gets threatening, the Doctor escapes, and, oh yes, Evelyn is off somewhere falling in love with the leader of a third nation in a subplot that never actually threatens to become important.
Then aliens invade, Suskind has an instant change of heart and becomes a good guy, the two nations ally and defeat the aliens, various people die, and the Doctor gets all mopey, which gives Evelyn the opportunity to have a painfully poorly-written chat with him about grief, which ends the audio on the classic line of dialogue, "Your boots need cleaning." A work of thorough incompetence on every possible level.
Well, I didn't think it was possible, but it's finally happened. Big Finish has finally produced an audio that could contend with Minuet In Hell for their coveted title of "Worst Doctor Who Audio Ever". This is a work of staggering stupidity, breathtaking inanity, and such complete idiocy that the author has to simply stop at points and fill in the plot gaps with narrative, as I'm sure the actors took one look at the script and said, "I'm not reading that crap." (And when you believe that a man who performed in Timelash said, "I'm not reading that crap," you're talking about some seriously dim-witted stuff.)
The plot revolves around the two kingdoms of Sillyname and Stupidname, which are about to end centuries of tension with an arranged marriage between Prince Hi-I'm-Not-Actually-In-This and Princess Kristina, who's all worried that she won't be able to be with her love, Marcus, once she's in a loveless marriage. (Those of you bringing up all of European history to counter this assertion are already way ahead of the plot.) The marriage is opposed by transparently evil villain Suskind, played by Philip Bretherton with all the subtlety of Snidely Whiplash, who's the leader of Prince Doesn't-Have-Any-Dialogue's country. Suskind is planting bombs, sneaking in assassins, arranging demonstrations, and generally trying to sow chaos and discord... in Princess Kristina's capital. Amazingly, nobody seems to ever think of restricting the foreign leader's movements or communications in any way.
The Doctor and Evelyn get involved, each in their own way because they're not talking to each other because Evelyn's turned unspeakably whiny, and manage to turn the situation into an outright war. The Doctor tries to help Kristina and Marcus by passing along letters, but Suskind's thug, Pokol (played by Lewis Rae, who appears to be trying to outdo Bretherton in the Snidely Whiplash-a-thon), steals the letters from Kristina's bedroom, which he is allowed access to because of his status as bodyguard of the leader of another country, and uses them to dissolve the alliance and start a war.
The Doctor gets locked up, for no sane and sensible reason, and is visited in prison by Suskind, who appears to not only have not been deported from the country he's just declared war on, but is allowed freedom of movement within the capital, the right to wander in and talk to political prisoners, and to continue to have his private staff of bodyguards to wander around fully armed. This isn't just a plot hole, it's a plot singularity -- Suskind's actions drive the entire second half of the audio, and at every moment, you wonder if the writer wasn't just a bit confused about what nations at war traditionally do. It'd be like setting a play during World War II, and having Hitler live in London for the duration with his SS in tow. Anyhow, Suskind twirls his moustache a bit, Pokol gets threatening, the Doctor escapes, and, oh yes, Evelyn is off somewhere falling in love with the leader of a third nation in a subplot that never actually threatens to become important.
Then aliens invade, Suskind has an instant change of heart and becomes a good guy, the two nations ally and defeat the aliens, various people die, and the Doctor gets all mopey, which gives Evelyn the opportunity to have a painfully poorly-written chat with him about grief, which ends the audio on the classic line of dialogue, "Your boots need cleaning." A work of thorough incompetence on every possible level.
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